Funny Quotes and Sayings

Here you can find the best collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous Funny quotes and Funny sayings, and Funny proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.

"I see fighters make funny videos about me and stick them on Facebook and get 20 likes. When I make a video, I sell it to Fox and make seven figures. That’s the difference. "

"It is funny to me that because I can run, because I’m athletic, people tend to see that as my only asset. "

"If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster."

"They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning."

"I saw 28 Days. I don’t remember rehab being like a day camp or being that funny. Rehab is a dumping ground. It’s a big landfill."

"But you can’t focus on things that matter if all you’ve been is asleep for forty years. Funny how sleep rhymes with sheep. You know."

"I have a new philosophy. I’m only going to dread one day at a time. "

"I love mankind; it’s people I can’t stand. "

"I love fools’ experiments. I am always making them. "

"I used to be the class clown. I was the funny kid. That’s why it was so hard for people to understand that I rap, because for a long time, they didn’t take me seriously for who I was. By, like, eighth grade, I was really rapping. "

"Instant gratification takes too long. "

"My favourite comedian, of course, is Tim Conway. He has a way about him – being that belly-laugh kind of funny, and he has the improvisational skills, too. I’ve never seen anybody better. "

"If my life wasn’t funny, it would just be true, and that’s unacceptable. "

"My mother was very funny. My dad had a great sense of humor. My grandmother, too. "

"Funny is funny. I dare anyone to look at Tim Conway and Harvey Korman doing the dentist sketch, which is more than 40 years old, and not scream with laughter. "

"Everybody I know who is funny, it’s in them. You can teach timing, or some people are able to tell a joke, though I don’t like to tell jokes. But I think you have to be born with a sense of humor and a sense of timing. "

"I’m really not that funny in real life! But I am the best audience one could find. I love to laugh. "

"I have never been hurt by what I have not said. "

"I’ve had an experience through music that has touched almost every part of me. It educated me in ways that I didn’t get educated in school. So we try to lay on a bit of that, through being funny, being serious, playing hard."

"There’s only one rule in stand-up, which is that you have to be funny. Yet 99 per cent of comics look and talk exactly the same."

"I became good friends with Jack Whitehall. I think he’s great, such a great dude, and really funny."

"I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong."

"As for our majority… one is enough."

"It’s simple, if it jiggles, it’s fat."

"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with Guess on it. I said, Thyroid problem?"

"I’m odd looking. Sometimes I think I look like a funny muppet."

"It is really funny when people say you’d be obvious for a great villain."

"I used to think that everything was just being funny but now I don’t know. I mean, how can you tell?"

"Life would be tragic if it weren’t funny."

"Television has brought back murder into the home – where it belongs."

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