Jarod Kintz Quotes and Sayings

Here you can find the best collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous Jarod Kintz quotes and Jarod Kintz sayings, and Jarod Kintz proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources.

"A mirror is like my own personal reality TV show where I’m both the star and only viewer. I’ve got to get my ratings up."

"For me, it’s not about winning an award. It’s also about not even being nominated"

"I called to tell her I loved her, which was smart, because if I’d have done it in person, I’d have caught her with another man. I don’t care if he was my clone, it isn’t right and it pisses me off. I was backstabbed by myself."

"A part-time worker is fully employed, half the time. In other words, they are part-time unemployees."

"Obesity isn’t as cool as it used to be, back in the earlier centuries. Before it was a reflection on your gross income, and now it’s just gross."

"Cats are like walking brooms you can actually comfortably cuddle with."

"I don’t understand people who don’t touch their pets. Their cat or dog is called a pet for a reason."

"My two favorite colors of the rainbow are gold and leprechaun."

"With my last breath, I’ll exhale my love for you. I hope it’s a cold day, so you can see what you meant to me."

"My love for you is like a Florida sunset. Orange, coral, pink, and lavender, it exists to warm your heart through the inevitable darkness."

"It’s always sunny in the Sunshine State. Except for at night."

"My drug of choice is love. Sure, I’ve tried other drugs, but no other drug gets both the dealer and user high from every transaction."

"The American Dream is to not have to work, so with unemployment at record levels, you’d think more people would be excited and grateful for the government intervention that got us to this glorious economic point."

"The sun would be better than a flashlight, except it doesn’t work at night. It probably needs to recharge its batteries from running all day."

"If I could lick the sunset, I’ll bet it would taste like Neapolitan ice cream."

"My left hand is my bad hand. I spank it with my right hand. You might call it clapping, but I call it discipline."

"Whether you live to be 50 or 100 makes no difference, if you made no difference in the world."

"I can tell if two people are in love by how they hold each other’s hands, and how thick their sanitation gloves are."

"Teamwork: I love the idea of all for one?especially if that one is me."

"I find wisdom in the waves. Goodbye is a hello to a life without you."

"Design is body language for inanimate objects."

"College has given me the confidence I need to fail."

"Drinking coffee is like drinking an inverse yawn. I prefer mine with two spoonfuls of ?I?m listening.?"

"I hate fake people. You know what I’m talking about. Mannequins."

"Teamwork: I love the idea of all for one especially if that one is me."

"Pride must be a summer thing, because it comes before the fall."

"I want to go to sleep in my time machine and wake up eight hours in the future."

"The year you were born marks only your entry into the world. Other years where you prove your worth, they are the ones worth celebrating."

"Mondays are mundane, like Tuesdays minus 24 hours."

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